1
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[ crashing ]
2
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and so we welcome you,
3
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no matter what
part of the galaxy you're from,
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to the 10th annual
north American ufo convention.
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I believe.
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Oh, please!
7
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"The aliens did this to me.
The aliens did that to me."
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You keep telling
the same stupid story
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year after year.
10
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When the hell
are you going to get over it?
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Around the same time
you stop dressing up
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like a Jolly green Giant
sex toy.
13
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At least I've had
a close encounter.
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I think you liked
having that probe up--
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I told you,
they didn't probe me.
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I stopped them.
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Oh, that's what you'd
like us to believe.
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No, no, no!
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The meconia were very
clear on that point.
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Did you not read
my last book?
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No. Did you read mine?
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I couldn't even find it.
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Carl sagan was meconian.
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Sagan was a pod person.
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I've got the evidence
right here.
26
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The only thing in there
is your lunch.
27
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It's not
the
--Alien finger.
28
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I'm not going
to carry it around
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everywhere I go.
30
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But you promised me, Gunther,
when we, you know...
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that I was going to
experience the finger.
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You will. You will.
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I want it now!
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I want the finger.
35
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I don't want a rotten carrot.
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It's not a carrot!
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You lied to me,
Gunther.
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You lied...
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for Pete's sake,
boo, what kept you?
40
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This printer screwed up
our press release.
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No, no, no, no.
I took care of it.
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It's fine.
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As usual,
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it sounds like
world War iii in here.
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Everybody,
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can I have your attention,
please?
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Everybody, listen up.
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Damn it,
I said listen!
49
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Well, um...
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I hope everyone
enjoyed their fondue.
51
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Like I always say,
it's food you can trust.
52
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Well, before we get on
with tonight's business,
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I have a personal statement
I'd like to make.
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I couldn't help noticing
that certain of you
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have chosen
to disregard my request
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that tonight's
planning committee soiree
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remain apolitical.
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I sound like a broken record,
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but this constant bickering,
it's...it's insufferable.
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There is no way
the rest of the world
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will ever
take us seriously
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and respect us
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if we do not respect ourselves.
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Now, when the convention
starts tomorrow
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and the press arrives,
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I want us
to be civil to each other.
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The moment one of us breaks Rank
and starts bashing the others,
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the press will jump right in,
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and they'll make us all
look like
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a bunch of
silly, disorganized lunatics.
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Which is why
Ike asked me--
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Hi, everybody--
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To come up
with a theme
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that sort of captures
the zeitgeist of our message.
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Don't you roll your eyes at me,
Gunther Van Owen.
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You're one of the first
the tv crews'll head for.
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Damn right--
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Me and the rest
of the Fifth Column.
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Bunch of thugs.
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We've got something to show...
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something big.
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Oh, you mean
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that piece
of rotten carrot
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you've been carrying around?
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It is not a carrot.
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Whatever it is, it's disgusting,
87
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and it has
nothing to do
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with reality.
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Our extra-Terrestrial friends
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are beautiful,
diaphanous creatures,
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not toads like you.
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Diaphanous?
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The creature
that impregnated me
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was definitely reptilian.
95
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You say that
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about all creatures
that impregnate you.
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Yeah?
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Come over here
and say that.
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Come on.
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Stop!
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Back off, everybody.
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You people
are incorrigible.
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One of reasons
I joined this group
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was because of the fellowship
it provided.
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We know
that we are not alone here
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on starship earth,
107
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and whether you look at aliens
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as a malignant fungus
or e.T. In a tutu,
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we need to stand together
and say,
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in one united Voice,
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two very simple words...
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"I believe."
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We hunger for a sign
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that our faith
is the right faith,
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and, for me,
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these two words are a statement
that we have seen things,
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and that the truth
has been revealed to us.
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"I believe?"
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I believe
that slogan sucks.
120
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That's what
I believe.
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Yeah, me too.
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It would have been
way better in silver.
123
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What is wrong
with all of you?
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Don't you want
to be taken seriously
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for once in your lives?
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If you want
to be taken seriously,
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you'll need
more than a t-Shirt.
128
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You're going to need
what I have in this box.
129
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I'm sorry, sir,
130
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but this is
a convention-Planning meeting.
131
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If you have
something to sell,
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there'll be a consignment table
set up on Sunday.
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Do I look like
I'm selling something?
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I've been driving in circles
in the desert for three days
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trying to figure out
what to do with this.
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What is it?
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The stuff
your dreams are made of.
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[ ♪ ]
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there is nothing wrong
with your television.
140
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Do not attempt
To adjust the picture.
141
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We are now controlling
the transmission.
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We control the horizontal...
143
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and the vertical.
144
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We can delude you
with a thousand channels
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or expand one single image
to crystal clarity...
146
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and beyond.
147
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We can shape your vision
148
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to anything
our imagination can conceive.
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For the next hour,
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we will control
all that you see and hear.
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You are about to experience
the awe and mystery
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which reaches
from the deepest inner mind
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to
--The outer limits.
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In an age of doubt,
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there is nothing more powerful
than the need to seek answers,
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but what happens
when the cloak is lifted
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and those answers
suddenly revealed?
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I hope I haven't made a mistake
showing this to you.
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Is it real?
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What kind of starcruiser
did it come from?
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Show it to us again.
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As head of convention security,
I say we 86 this guy right now.
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00:07:31,025 --> 00:07:32,458
We're not going
to 86 anyone.
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We don't know anything
about this guy
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or that...thing.
166
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They could both be radioactive.
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For all we know,
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that thing could make us glow
Like bonzerian zot-Worms.
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I assure you,
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the fragment
is harmless.
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Tell that to
the cancerous lump
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growing on
my spine, rummy.
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I'm going to ask
you and the box
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to leave Nicely.
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I ask again,
we're going to tussle.
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Please, just
listen to me.
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For 22 years, I was
a civilian accountant
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at nellis
Air force base.
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That's area 51.
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Check the noncom
work records
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if you don't
believe me.
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You'll find
my name there.
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00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,658
Max Buford?
184
00:08:12,691 --> 00:08:13,725
Buford.
185
00:08:14,991 --> 00:08:17,758
Two weeks ago,
I was assigned to audit
186
00:08:17,791 --> 00:08:20,225
the construction of
an underground storage facility.
187
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I found a discrepancy.
188
00:08:21,758 --> 00:08:23,325
When I went to inquire about it,
189
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I saw this strange craft
190
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being disassembled
by military personnel.
191
00:08:28,225 --> 00:08:30,458
Pieces of the ship
were being placed into boxes
192
00:08:30,491 --> 00:08:32,958
in preparation
for being hauled away on trains.
193
00:08:32,991 --> 00:08:35,258
I was told to forget
everything I had seen,
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and though I tried to ignore it
and simply do my job,
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I found I could not.
196
00:08:40,125 --> 00:08:42,325
Betraying the trust
that was placed in me,
197
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I stole
one of the smaller boxes,
198
00:08:44,258 --> 00:08:46,958
put it into the trunk of my car,
and drove away.
199
00:08:46,991 --> 00:08:49,158
That box is before you now.
200
00:08:49,191 --> 00:08:51,358
Wow.
201
00:08:51,391 --> 00:08:53,958
That is an amazing story,
Mr. Buford.
202
00:08:53,991 --> 00:08:55,425
It's the truth.
203
00:08:55,458 --> 00:08:58,058
Our government is conspiring
with the creatures
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00:08:58,091 --> 00:08:59,125
that built
that craft.
205
00:08:59,158 --> 00:09:02,425
The world needs to know.
206
00:09:02,458 --> 00:09:03,558
The government know
it's missing?
207
00:09:03,591 --> 00:09:05,458
Probably. In which case--
208
00:09:05,491 --> 00:09:06,991
They'll kill you.
209
00:09:07,025 --> 00:09:08,191
Dead.
210
00:09:08,225 --> 00:09:10,125
Hell, I knew a guy
who knew a guy.
211
00:09:10,158 --> 00:09:11,991
That guy crossed the feds
just like you did.
212
00:09:12,025 --> 00:09:13,491
10 years later,
213
00:09:13,525 --> 00:09:15,125
he's eating
at the Jolly troll smorgasbord--
214
00:09:15,158 --> 00:09:16,425
In Billings?
215
00:09:16,458 --> 00:09:17,858
That's the one. Bang!
216
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,191
He goes face Down
into his tater tots.
217
00:09:20,225 --> 00:09:22,458
Turns out a motherhumping
heart attack
218
00:09:22,491 --> 00:09:24,091
Just rocked his world.
219
00:09:24,125 --> 00:09:25,858
Coincidence? I think not.
220
00:09:27,225 --> 00:09:28,891
Why would you tell
a story like that?
221
00:09:31,158 --> 00:09:33,258
I think it's truly courageous
of you to come here,
222
00:09:33,291 --> 00:09:35,125
and I think
I can speak for all of us
223
00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:37,091
when I say thank you
from the bottom of our hearts.
224
00:09:37,125 --> 00:09:38,658
Well, I ain't
thanking him.
225
00:09:38,691 --> 00:09:40,791
His story's
a load of crap.
226
00:09:40,825 --> 00:09:43,458
That fragment didn't
come from area 51.
227
00:09:43,491 --> 00:09:45,025
There are
no train tracks
228
00:09:45,058 --> 00:09:46,525
going into that base.
229
00:09:46,558 --> 00:09:48,325
Apparently,
the hair goo
230
00:09:48,358 --> 00:09:49,458
has infected
your brain.
231
00:09:49,491 --> 00:09:50,658
He's referring to
232
00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:52,591
their cold-Fusion
underground rail system.
233
00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:55,358
Shut-up.
There is no underground system.
234
00:09:55,391 --> 00:09:57,725
The damned photos
are on the internet.
235
00:09:57,758 --> 00:09:59,858
What if aliens sent him?
236
00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:03,625
The meconia
have always been willing
237
00:10:03,658 --> 00:10:05,291
to share their
technology with us.
238
00:10:05,325 --> 00:10:07,425
The meconia have got
nothing to do with this.
239
00:10:07,458 --> 00:10:09,491
This kind
of technology...
240
00:10:11,691 --> 00:10:14,191
it's vortid
all the way.
241
00:10:14,225 --> 00:10:16,025
What if the fragment
isn't stolen?
242
00:10:16,058 --> 00:10:18,791
What if the government
sent him here
243
00:10:18,825 --> 00:10:20,991
as part of some
disinformation campaign?
244
00:10:21,025 --> 00:10:22,691
Anyone
think of that?
245
00:10:22,725 --> 00:10:25,525
Well, if the fragment is real,
where's the disinformation?
246
00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:29,458
Maybe they just want us
to think it's real.
247
00:10:29,491 --> 00:10:31,691
Or the aliens wanted us
to see the fragment
248
00:10:31,725 --> 00:10:33,725
because they need
to tell us something.
249
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,958
Yeah! Like, maybe
it's a distress signal
250
00:10:35,991 --> 00:10:38,358
from their base station
on the ocean floor.
251
00:10:38,391 --> 00:10:40,925
You're all missing the point.
252
00:10:40,958 --> 00:10:43,858
Think of all the
grainy photographs
253
00:10:43,891 --> 00:10:45,258
and half-Baked stories
254
00:10:45,291 --> 00:10:47,291
we've hitched our wagons to
over the years,
255
00:10:47,325 --> 00:10:49,958
trying to grab onto
something that proved
256
00:10:49,991 --> 00:10:52,291
our belief in Aliens
was justified.
257
00:10:52,325 --> 00:10:54,525
We have it now.
258
00:10:54,558 --> 00:10:56,491
This fragment,
it's our holy grail.
259
00:10:56,525 --> 00:10:58,491
Is that what you believe,
260
00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:02,058
you, with your hoity-Toity
college education?
261
00:11:02,091 --> 00:11:03,625
It's what I believe, too.
262
00:11:03,658 --> 00:11:05,058
Ike pilchard,
263
00:11:05,091 --> 00:11:06,758
transit system
coordinator.
264
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:07,758
And me,
265
00:11:07,791 --> 00:11:09,458
Tyler buttram,
266
00:11:09,491 --> 00:11:11,558
with my advanced degrees
in portuguese literature,
267
00:11:11,591 --> 00:11:12,791
animal husbandry...
268
00:11:12,825 --> 00:11:14,591
ditto, except for
the degrees part--
269
00:11:14,625 --> 00:11:16,591
Although I am certified
to work as an x-Ray tech.
270
00:11:16,625 --> 00:11:18,425
Mr. Buford,
271
00:11:18,458 --> 00:11:20,291
we've already set up
a press conference for tomorrow,
272
00:11:20,325 --> 00:11:21,791
and with your permission,
273
00:11:21,825 --> 00:11:23,458
I'd like to reveal the fragment
274
00:11:23,491 --> 00:11:25,691
to the world.
275
00:11:25,725 --> 00:11:27,991
Are you high on the crack?
276
00:11:28,025 --> 00:11:29,891
The feds'll be on him
like maggots on Roadkill.
277
00:11:29,925 --> 00:11:31,525
Look,
278
00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:33,725
you're a relative Newcomer
to these conventions, boo.
279
00:11:33,758 --> 00:11:35,225
Trust me,
280
00:11:35,258 --> 00:11:37,258
there's a lot of things
that you just don't know about.
281
00:11:37,291 --> 00:11:39,225
Well, there's one thing
that I do know.
282
00:11:39,258 --> 00:11:40,491
With Mr. Buford
and the fragment
283
00:11:40,525 --> 00:11:41,825
out in the open,
284
00:11:41,858 --> 00:11:44,525
the government would be stupid
to do anything.
285
00:11:44,558 --> 00:11:46,258
Even you can see that, Dale.
286
00:11:46,291 --> 00:11:48,791
Boo is absolutely
right, Mr. Buford.
287
00:11:48,825 --> 00:11:50,358
Really,
288
00:11:50,391 --> 00:11:52,491
it's the only way
to save yourself.
289
00:11:54,491 --> 00:11:56,458
I just want you to know
I appreciate what you're doing.
290
00:11:56,491 --> 00:11:58,025
Well, Mr. Buford,
I assure you
291
00:11:58,058 --> 00:12:00,325
the feeling
is mutual.
292
00:12:00,358 --> 00:12:01,958
I know that
some of us
293
00:12:01,991 --> 00:12:03,891
may seem
a little extreme,
294
00:12:03,925 --> 00:12:06,158
but, for the most part,
we're good people.
295
00:12:06,191 --> 00:12:07,825
Can I
tell you something?
296
00:12:07,858 --> 00:12:09,525
Tonight, you have
renewed my faith
297
00:12:09,558 --> 00:12:11,125
that aliens exist
here on earth,
298
00:12:11,158 --> 00:12:12,991
and for that,
I'm really grateful.
299
00:12:13,025 --> 00:12:14,558
This is your room.
300
00:12:14,591 --> 00:12:16,958
Page me if you need anything
and I'll be here in a flash.
301
00:12:16,991 --> 00:12:18,625
You're safe with us.
302
00:12:18,658 --> 00:12:19,958
I've got one man
303
00:12:19,991 --> 00:12:21,925
eyeballing your car
from the roof,
304
00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:23,791
another will be outside
this door all night.
305
00:12:23,825 --> 00:12:25,758
Really?
306
00:12:25,791 --> 00:12:27,458
You think that's necessary?
307
00:12:27,491 --> 00:12:30,325
A little information
can get a guy killed.
308
00:12:30,358 --> 00:12:31,958
Enough said.
309
00:12:31,991 --> 00:12:34,458
I think a Little information
can be uplifting.
310
00:12:34,491 --> 00:12:36,525
Now, remember what I said,
if you need anything...
311
00:12:36,558 --> 00:12:38,491
Yeah.
312
00:12:40,991 --> 00:12:42,625
Are you trying
to be ignorant
313
00:12:42,658 --> 00:12:44,291
when you say things
like that?
314
00:12:44,325 --> 00:12:45,791
What? What'd I say?
315
00:12:45,825 --> 00:12:47,858
You said there'd be
men watching him.
316
00:12:47,891 --> 00:12:49,825
Correct me
if I'm wrong,
317
00:12:49,858 --> 00:12:51,891
but you're our only
security, right?
318
00:12:51,925 --> 00:12:53,958
Do you think he'll
feel safer
319
00:12:53,991 --> 00:12:56,191
knowing the entire FBI
is out to Ruby Ridge him
320
00:12:56,225 --> 00:12:58,358
and I'm the only thing
standing in the way?
321
00:12:58,391 --> 00:13:00,025
The FBI doesn't
know where he is.
322
00:13:00,058 --> 00:13:02,691
Wake up and smell the cheese,
honey.
323
00:13:02,725 --> 00:13:04,491
The walls have eyes.
324
00:13:04,525 --> 00:13:07,425
Any one of the people
in that room tonight
325
00:13:07,458 --> 00:13:09,891
could be FBI in
Deep-Cover assignment.
326
00:13:09,925 --> 00:13:12,858
Oh, sure, you're saying
Dale's all buggy and paranoid...
327
00:13:16,825 --> 00:13:18,958
but I've made inquiries
into certain people,
328
00:13:18,991 --> 00:13:20,991
and it wouldn't surprise me
one little bit
329
00:13:21,025 --> 00:13:22,525
that it comes back
330
00:13:22,558 --> 00:13:24,691
that they're not
who they say they are.
331
00:13:24,725 --> 00:13:27,158
And who exactly
are you referring to?
332
00:13:27,191 --> 00:13:29,791
Well, when I get the facts,
you'll be the first to know,
333
00:13:29,825 --> 00:13:31,525
but only because I like you.
334
00:14:06,325 --> 00:14:09,925
Now, some ignorant Types
May think my kind of a job
335
00:14:09,958 --> 00:14:12,025
is a nowhere road
to dead endsville,
336
00:14:12,058 --> 00:14:16,458
but to me, parking-Lot security
is the first line of defense.
337
00:14:16,491 --> 00:14:18,658
Say, do either of you ladies
like Cable?
338
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,458
Dale!
Dale, I've got to talk to you.
339
00:14:20,491 --> 00:14:22,058
I'm talking
to some ladies.
340
00:14:22,091 --> 00:14:24,891
These aren't ladies,
Dale, they're men.
341
00:14:28,091 --> 00:14:30,491
I was attacked
in my room.
342
00:14:30,525 --> 00:14:32,725
Ah!
343
00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:37,391
Dale. Dale,
they're gone.
344
00:14:37,425 --> 00:14:39,191
Don't be too sure.
345
00:14:39,225 --> 00:14:41,358
Describe them.
346
00:14:41,391 --> 00:14:43,591
Um...
flat nose,
347
00:14:43,625 --> 00:14:45,525
bulbous eyes...
348
00:14:45,558 --> 00:14:47,791
vortids.
349
00:14:47,825 --> 00:14:50,358
Stinking vortids.
350
00:14:50,391 --> 00:14:52,758
Consider yourself
lucky.
351
00:14:52,791 --> 00:14:54,791
Vortids have been known
to mutilate a body
352
00:14:54,825 --> 00:14:56,925
faster than you can say
seti alpha five,
353
00:14:56,958 --> 00:15:00,058
but if our government
taught them one thing,
354
00:15:00,091 --> 00:15:02,058
it's how to get
in and out quickly.
355
00:15:02,091 --> 00:15:03,625
In other words,
356
00:15:03,658 --> 00:15:05,291
sometimes in their hurry,
357
00:15:05,325 --> 00:15:07,458
they leave a little
something behind.
358
00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:09,158
It may be nothing more
359
00:15:09,191 --> 00:15:13,158
than a Flake of skin
or a bead of gooey-Green sweat.
360
00:15:13,191 --> 00:15:15,025
Dale,
there's nothing under there.
361
00:15:18,025 --> 00:15:20,658
But what about this?
362
00:15:20,691 --> 00:15:23,525
Oh, what is it?
363
00:15:23,558 --> 00:15:25,891
I think you wounded one
during the struggle.
364
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,258
Could be a hunk of skin tissue,
365
00:15:27,291 --> 00:15:29,458
some kind of blood,
maybe even...
366
00:15:32,125 --> 00:15:33,591
hair gel.
367
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:37,902
Admit it, Gunther.
368
00:15:37,935 --> 00:15:39,435
You and your
digit-Worshipping friends
369
00:15:39,469 --> 00:15:41,069
attacked me
in my room.
370
00:15:41,102 --> 00:15:43,435
Digit worshipping?
Ooh, that hurt.
371
00:15:43,469 --> 00:15:45,869
These are serious charges,
Gunther.
372
00:15:45,902 --> 00:15:49,035
If you and the Fifth Column
were involved...
373
00:15:49,069 --> 00:15:50,569
why the hell
would I even waste my time?
374
00:15:50,602 --> 00:15:53,102
To Make boo look foolish maybe?
375
00:15:53,135 --> 00:15:54,502
She doesn't need any of my help.
376
00:15:54,535 --> 00:15:55,835
She's foolish enough already--
377
00:15:55,869 --> 00:15:58,002
Not to mention
gullible and simple-Minded.
378
00:15:58,035 --> 00:15:59,735
Fess up, Gunther.
379
00:15:59,769 --> 00:16:01,835
You left your calling card.
380
00:16:01,869 --> 00:16:03,935
All right,
all right.
381
00:16:03,969 --> 00:16:05,235
Fine!
382
00:16:05,269 --> 00:16:07,102
Fine.
383
00:16:07,135 --> 00:16:08,302
It was us.
384
00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:11,702
We were just trying
to make a point.
385
00:16:11,735 --> 00:16:13,135
If she's stupid enough
to believe
386
00:16:13,169 --> 00:16:14,302
a bunch
of cheesy-Looking aliens
387
00:16:14,335 --> 00:16:15,902
could attack her,
388
00:16:15,935 --> 00:16:17,535
who knows what else
she could buy into, huh?
389
00:16:17,569 --> 00:16:18,969
Like, say,
390
00:16:19,002 --> 00:16:20,535
a floating
metal fragment.
391
00:16:20,569 --> 00:16:22,069
Good example.
392
00:16:22,102 --> 00:16:25,235
The girl's a Flake,
just like the rest of you.
393
00:16:25,269 --> 00:16:28,002
Hell, this was supposed to be
my year, damn it--
394
00:16:28,035 --> 00:16:31,802
The Fifth Column's year.
395
00:16:31,835 --> 00:16:35,435
Why couldn't you
believe in this?
396
00:16:35,469 --> 00:16:38,169
Bingo.
397
00:16:38,202 --> 00:16:40,102
Smoking gun and all.
398
00:16:40,135 --> 00:16:42,035
Look what we found
in Mr. Monty's dumpster.
399
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,935
Got that hair squidge
all over it.
400
00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:46,002
Polk's rounding up
the last of it.
401
00:16:46,035 --> 00:16:47,902
I have never
been so disgusted
402
00:16:47,935 --> 00:16:49,735
in All my...
403
00:16:49,769 --> 00:16:52,102
Gunther, pack your bags.
404
00:16:52,135 --> 00:16:53,502
As president
405
00:16:53,535 --> 00:16:55,169
of the north American
ufo convention,
406
00:16:55,202 --> 00:16:58,902
I hereby suspend you
and the rest of the Fifth Column
407
00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:01,769
from any further participation
in naufoc events.
408
00:17:01,802 --> 00:17:03,469
Incoming!
409
00:17:06,169 --> 00:17:07,902
Screw you and your convention.
410
00:17:07,935 --> 00:17:10,069
You can't deny us
our right to be heard.
411
00:17:10,102 --> 00:17:13,335
Go ahead and try.
412
00:17:13,369 --> 00:17:15,702
The finger will not be silenced.
413
00:17:20,302 --> 00:17:21,869
[ door slamming ]
414
00:17:27,035 --> 00:17:28,569
that Gunther--
415
00:17:28,602 --> 00:17:30,502
I'd always thought
he'd go too far some day.
416
00:17:30,535 --> 00:17:31,902
Sure you're okay, boo?
417
00:17:31,935 --> 00:17:32,935
I'm good.
418
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:34,535
In fact,
I'm better than good,
419
00:17:34,569 --> 00:17:36,502
because with Gunther
out of the way,
420
00:17:36,535 --> 00:17:37,669
this press conference
421
00:17:37,702 --> 00:17:39,169
is really
going to soar
422
00:17:39,202 --> 00:17:41,069
on the wings
of an eagle.
423
00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:42,502
When you say hanging there...
424
00:17:42,535 --> 00:17:43,669
we will say,
425
00:17:43,702 --> 00:17:45,002
"There are
things in the universe
426
00:17:45,035 --> 00:17:46,235
"That we don't understand,
427
00:17:46,269 --> 00:17:48,169
things the government
is afraid to share..."
428
00:17:48,202 --> 00:17:49,702
boo...
429
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,569
"But we have
discovered something
430
00:17:51,602 --> 00:17:53,335
"That will change all of that,
431
00:17:53,369 --> 00:17:55,869
"something that
we're willing to share with you.
432
00:17:55,902 --> 00:17:58,835
Call it what you want,
but we call it the truth."
433
00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:00,402
Boo!
434
00:18:01,502 --> 00:18:02,835
We've got a problem.
435
00:18:05,535 --> 00:18:07,135
What is it?
436
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:08,902
Duct tape,
some wires,
437
00:18:08,935 --> 00:18:10,469
conductive tubing...
438
00:18:10,502 --> 00:18:12,969
tell it again
from the beginning.
439
00:18:13,002 --> 00:18:14,569
Like I said,
440
00:18:14,602 --> 00:18:17,569
the busboy was poking around
at the air vent with a Broom,
441
00:18:17,602 --> 00:18:19,935
and Ping, it opened,
and all this stuff fell out.
442
00:18:19,969 --> 00:18:22,402
Of course.
443
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,002
What do you mean "Of course"?
of course what?
444
00:18:24,035 --> 00:18:25,535
What are you talking about?
445
00:18:25,569 --> 00:18:28,802
Mirrors and wires
and Gerry-Rigged remote control.
446
00:18:28,835 --> 00:18:31,335
Probably holograms, too,
and animatronic sock puppets.
447
00:18:31,369 --> 00:18:32,969
That floating fragment
448
00:18:33,002 --> 00:18:35,569
was nothing
but a piece of theater.
449
00:18:35,602 --> 00:18:39,469
And we fell for it,
hook, line, and sinker.
450
00:18:39,502 --> 00:18:41,569
People, for all you know,
it could be Gunther's handiwork,
451
00:18:41,602 --> 00:18:43,069
or maybe it's been
up there for years.
452
00:18:43,102 --> 00:18:45,169
I bet my bippy,
453
00:18:45,202 --> 00:18:47,669
if you stick a few
magnets in this
454
00:18:47,702 --> 00:18:49,335
and tape it
to the ceiling--
455
00:18:49,369 --> 00:18:51,002
Fine. Where are the magnets?
456
00:18:51,035 --> 00:18:52,402
Mr. Buford pulled
a fast one on us.
457
00:18:53,602 --> 00:18:56,002
It's alien autopsy
all over again.
458
00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:57,535
We are so stupid.
459
00:18:57,569 --> 00:18:59,635
But why? Why would he do this?
460
00:18:59,669 --> 00:19:01,135
Maybe we're just
jumping to conclusions.
461
00:19:01,169 --> 00:19:02,202
She's right.
462
00:19:02,235 --> 00:19:03,935
For all we know,
463
00:19:03,969 --> 00:19:06,402
the government
put Buford up to this.
464
00:19:06,435 --> 00:19:07,702
Right. The government.
465
00:19:07,735 --> 00:19:08,969
To make us look bad.
466
00:19:09,002 --> 00:19:10,669
Come on, everybody,
467
00:19:10,702 --> 00:19:14,035
sometimes, a piece of tubing
is just a piece of tubing.
468
00:19:15,535 --> 00:19:20,235
I looked into Mr. Buford's eyes,
and he was telling us the truth.
469
00:19:20,269 --> 00:19:22,002
Mr. Buford?
470
00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:23,735
It's only us.
471
00:19:23,769 --> 00:19:25,535
We just want to talk.
472
00:19:25,569 --> 00:19:27,269
Really, uma,
this is so unnecessary.
473
00:19:27,302 --> 00:19:30,435
Then why isn't he
answering the door?
474
00:19:30,469 --> 00:19:32,069
Got it.
475
00:19:32,102 --> 00:19:35,035
Mr. Buford, sorry to Barge in
like this...
476
00:19:38,335 --> 00:19:40,302
I think Max is gone.
477
00:19:40,335 --> 00:19:42,035
Telling us the truth...
478
00:19:47,302 --> 00:19:51,669
yup. Just like we thought.
479
00:19:51,702 --> 00:19:54,702
Mr. Buford's gone
and So is his box.
480
00:19:54,735 --> 00:19:57,902
Not to mention
everything in the mini-Bar.
481
00:19:57,935 --> 00:20:00,069
Damned hotel better not
try charging us for it.
482
00:20:00,102 --> 00:20:02,035
Hey, some towels
are missing,
483
00:20:02,069 --> 00:20:03,835
and so's
the rubber bath mat.
484
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:05,335
What a weirdo.
485
00:20:05,369 --> 00:20:07,102
Nobody up front
saw him go,
486
00:20:07,135 --> 00:20:09,035
but we scoured the parking Lot
for his car,
487
00:20:09,069 --> 00:20:11,502
and it definitely isn't there.
488
00:20:11,535 --> 00:20:13,602
How could he just
leave us like that,
489
00:20:13,635 --> 00:20:14,935
without
saying anything?
490
00:20:14,969 --> 00:20:17,835
Maybe there's
a perfectly logical explanation.
491
00:20:17,869 --> 00:20:20,869
Yeah. Like maybe he knew
the feds were closing in.
492
00:20:20,902 --> 00:20:23,002
The government
didn't know he was here.
493
00:20:23,035 --> 00:20:25,135
What if the government
did know he was here,
494
00:20:25,169 --> 00:20:27,435
because somebody
told them about it?
495
00:20:30,669 --> 00:20:33,102
You mean, like Gunther.
496
00:20:33,135 --> 00:20:34,169
Yeah, Gunther.
497
00:20:35,102 --> 00:20:36,469
He had a motive.
498
00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:39,202
Could be Gunther,
could be somebody else.
499
00:20:39,235 --> 00:20:41,602
Yeah...like...
500
00:20:44,302 --> 00:20:45,535
like...
501
00:20:45,569 --> 00:20:46,669
like nobody.
502
00:20:46,702 --> 00:20:48,135
The man bolted
503
00:20:48,169 --> 00:20:50,902
because this
whole thing's a lie.
504
00:20:50,935 --> 00:20:53,469
Maybe we were wrong
about Mr. Buford.
505
00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:57,002
Maybe we're wrong
about a lot of things.
506
00:20:58,535 --> 00:21:00,102
Boo?
507
00:21:00,135 --> 00:21:01,969
Boo, where are you going?
508
00:21:05,302 --> 00:21:07,002
Thought I'd
find you here.
509
00:21:07,035 --> 00:21:08,502
Have a drink.
510
00:21:08,535 --> 00:21:10,002
Looks like
you need one.
511
00:21:10,035 --> 00:21:11,669
Sex on the beach.
512
00:21:11,702 --> 00:21:13,369
How'd you know
that was my drink?
513
00:21:13,402 --> 00:21:15,669
You'd be amazed
what you can learn about people
514
00:21:15,702 --> 00:21:17,235
if you do a little surfing.
515
00:21:17,269 --> 00:21:19,369
Do you mind if
I, uh, sit down?
516
00:21:22,069 --> 00:21:23,735
You okay?
517
00:21:23,769 --> 00:21:26,502
Oh, yeah,
I'm great...
518
00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:27,869
considering
this feels
519
00:21:27,902 --> 00:21:29,369
like the worst day
of my life.
520
00:21:29,402 --> 00:21:30,869
I should have
listened to you
521
00:21:30,902 --> 00:21:32,535
when you said how
complicated things are.
522
00:21:32,569 --> 00:21:35,769
You wanted that fragment
to be real in the worst way.
523
00:21:35,802 --> 00:21:38,002
I'd rather not talk about it.
524
00:21:38,035 --> 00:21:40,302
Funny thing is,
I know how you feel.
525
00:21:44,035 --> 00:21:46,069
Boo, can you keep a secret?
526
00:21:46,102 --> 00:21:48,602
Sure.
527
00:21:51,035 --> 00:21:53,169
You know, uh...
that story I tell
528
00:21:53,202 --> 00:21:55,002
about when the aliens,
you know...
529
00:21:55,035 --> 00:21:56,435
Oh, my god.
530
00:21:56,469 --> 00:21:59,235
Dale, are you saying
that that actually happened?
531
00:21:59,269 --> 00:22:02,369
Huh?
532
00:22:02,402 --> 00:22:03,602
No, no, no.
533
00:22:03,635 --> 00:22:05,635
I mean, it never happened.
534
00:22:05,669 --> 00:22:07,202
I made it up.
535
00:22:07,235 --> 00:22:10,302
You've got to
believe me,
536
00:22:10,335 --> 00:22:12,269
I wanted it to happen.
537
00:22:12,302 --> 00:22:16,135
I wanted to see aliens,
538
00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:18,302
I still do,
539
00:22:18,335 --> 00:22:20,735
but just because
you want something to be True...
540
00:22:20,769 --> 00:22:24,002
Dale...
541
00:22:24,035 --> 00:22:26,369
I understand, really.
542
00:22:26,402 --> 00:22:27,935
I do.
543
00:22:27,969 --> 00:22:33,135
I know there are aliens
out there and all.
544
00:22:33,169 --> 00:22:35,769
God, I know how desperate
that must sound.
545
00:22:35,802 --> 00:22:38,369
I just wanted
to be accepted,
546
00:22:38,402 --> 00:22:40,235
you know?
547
00:22:40,269 --> 00:22:43,235
I mean, all the people here
at the convention...
548
00:22:45,035 --> 00:22:47,935
they're like my family.
549
00:22:47,969 --> 00:22:50,069
They accepted me
when nobody else would...
550
00:22:51,602 --> 00:22:54,569
and it's all based on a lie.
551
00:22:55,935 --> 00:22:57,769
Can you ever forgive me?
552
00:23:00,035 --> 00:23:02,202
Of course I can.
553
00:23:02,235 --> 00:23:04,869
Thank you.
554
00:23:20,802 --> 00:23:22,402
Wow.
555
00:23:23,369 --> 00:23:26,802
You were great, boo.
556
00:23:26,835 --> 00:23:29,069
Now, I've been with
a lot of women,
557
00:23:29,102 --> 00:23:30,802
not that
I'm bragging,
558
00:23:30,835 --> 00:23:32,669
but...wow.
559
00:23:32,702 --> 00:23:34,535
You are...
560
00:23:36,235 --> 00:23:37,935
and that was...
561
00:23:39,569 --> 00:23:41,369
wow.
562
00:23:41,402 --> 00:23:44,869
You didn't think it was wow,
did you?
563
00:23:44,902 --> 00:23:46,769
No, it was fine, Dale.
564
00:23:46,802 --> 00:23:48,502
It was just what I needed.
565
00:23:48,535 --> 00:23:49,635
It was?
566
00:23:49,669 --> 00:23:51,669
It was real. It happened.
567
00:23:51,702 --> 00:23:53,335
There's no denying it.
568
00:23:53,369 --> 00:23:57,369
That's one way
of looking at it, I guess.
569
00:23:57,402 --> 00:23:59,569
You and I just had sex.
570
00:23:59,602 --> 00:24:01,702
That's a fact.
571
00:24:01,735 --> 00:24:04,902
It was way better for you
than it was for me.
572
00:24:04,935 --> 00:24:06,469
That's another fact.
573
00:24:06,502 --> 00:24:07,769
Now, wait a minute.
574
00:24:07,802 --> 00:24:09,202
Just because
I wouldn't stick my tongue--
575
00:24:09,235 --> 00:24:10,735
Dale, I'm not passing judgment,
okay?
576
00:24:10,769 --> 00:24:12,235
[ Telephone ringing ]
577
00:24:12,269 --> 00:24:13,902
it's just that
578
00:24:13,935 --> 00:24:16,069
I have never been
more confused or tired
579
00:24:16,102 --> 00:24:18,369
in my whole life.
580
00:24:18,402 --> 00:24:19,502
Hello?
581
00:24:19,535 --> 00:24:20,835
Listen to me
carefully--
582
00:24:20,869 --> 00:24:22,602
Mr. Buford?
583
00:24:22,635 --> 00:24:26,169
Try and understand
what I'm saying.
584
00:24:26,202 --> 00:24:29,402
It's all about John, okay?
John.
585
00:24:29,435 --> 00:24:31,335
His life is going
down the drain.
586
00:24:31,369 --> 00:24:32,835
Who?
587
00:24:32,869 --> 00:24:34,669
What the hell
are you talking about?
588
00:24:34,702 --> 00:24:36,969
Listen, it's nothing personal,
Mr. Buford,
589
00:24:37,002 --> 00:24:38,769
but you sound
like you've been drinking.
590
00:24:38,802 --> 00:24:40,769
Boo, please,
listen to me carefully.
591
00:24:40,802 --> 00:24:42,269
I'm not trying
to turn you on
592
00:24:42,302 --> 00:24:43,669
or turn you off.
593
00:24:43,702 --> 00:24:45,802
I'm...I'm venting, okay?
594
00:24:45,835 --> 00:24:47,302
I'm venting.
595
00:24:47,335 --> 00:24:49,135
Actually, Mr. Buford,
I'm in the middle of something.
596
00:24:49,169 --> 00:24:52,169
Dammit, boo,
you've got to listen to me.
597
00:24:52,202 --> 00:24:53,735
Oh, my god.
598
00:24:53,769 --> 00:24:55,702
Boo, you've
got to help me.
599
00:24:55,735 --> 00:24:58,369
I'm in a phone Booth
outside Kyle plastics,
600
00:24:58,402 --> 00:25:00,202
you got that? Kyle plastics.
601
00:25:00,235 --> 00:25:02,569
The nerve of that man.
602
00:25:02,602 --> 00:25:04,369
After all
that he's done to me,
603
00:25:04,402 --> 00:25:06,235
to call here at this hour...
604
00:25:06,269 --> 00:25:07,869
where did Buford say he was?
605
00:25:07,902 --> 00:25:09,802
It doesn't even matter.
606
00:25:09,835 --> 00:25:12,269
He's drunk and he's probably
feeling sorry for himself.
607
00:25:12,302 --> 00:25:14,235
Maybe,
but if I've learned anything
608
00:25:14,269 --> 00:25:16,335
from my experience
in the security field,
609
00:25:16,369 --> 00:25:18,735
it's that nothing
is ever as it seems.
610
00:25:18,769 --> 00:25:21,669
The man called you for a reason,
boo.
611
00:25:21,702 --> 00:25:23,402
We need to find out why.
612
00:25:42,414 --> 00:25:44,214
I could've told you
613
00:25:44,247 --> 00:25:46,247
this was
a waste of time.
614
00:25:46,281 --> 00:25:48,281
Mr. Buford?
615
00:25:48,314 --> 00:25:49,714
Mr. Buford,
are you here?
616
00:25:49,747 --> 00:25:51,447
Oh, my god.
There he is.
617
00:26:03,858 --> 00:26:04,691
Is he...
618
00:26:04,725 --> 00:26:07,358
he's dead, all right.
619
00:26:27,691 --> 00:26:29,158
It's sad.
620
00:26:29,191 --> 00:26:30,658
It's so sad.
621
00:26:30,691 --> 00:26:32,491
Something
is not right here.
622
00:26:32,525 --> 00:26:34,625
Dale, please, you saw
all the bottles.
623
00:26:34,658 --> 00:26:36,491
He was inebriated.
624
00:26:36,525 --> 00:26:38,158
Obviously,
he hit his head,
625
00:26:38,191 --> 00:26:39,658
and he fell down
and he bled to death.
626
00:26:39,691 --> 00:26:41,158
Sure, he seemed drunk,
but was he?
627
00:26:41,191 --> 00:26:44,491
150 ccs of government-Grade
sodium pentathol
628
00:26:44,525 --> 00:26:46,225
would have exactly
the same effect on him.
629
00:26:46,258 --> 00:26:47,991
The government
did not do this.
630
00:26:48,025 --> 00:26:50,025
I'm not saying
it was the government.
631
00:26:50,058 --> 00:26:52,258
Could be
the Fifth Column,
632
00:26:52,291 --> 00:26:54,658
or the masons,
or the illuminati, maybe.
633
00:26:54,691 --> 00:26:56,158
Where's the damn fragment?
634
00:26:56,191 --> 00:26:57,725
That's what I want to know.
635
00:26:57,758 --> 00:27:01,491
Well, obviously,
the government got it back,
636
00:27:01,525 --> 00:27:03,125
ooh, or maybe
it was the aliens.
637
00:27:03,158 --> 00:27:04,958
Except that's not
what this picture says.
638
00:27:04,991 --> 00:27:05,958
Tell you
what I think--
639
00:27:05,991 --> 00:27:08,725
Government guys
follow him,
640
00:27:08,758 --> 00:27:10,658
think they've found their prize,
discover they're wrong,
641
00:27:10,691 --> 00:27:12,325
get a little carried away
642
00:27:12,358 --> 00:27:13,925
demonstrating
their disappointment.
643
00:27:13,958 --> 00:27:16,425
Or--Have you thought of this?
644
00:27:16,458 --> 00:27:19,758
Maybe it's just
what it seems to be--
645
00:27:19,791 --> 00:27:21,425
Mr. Buford
was a lonely drunk
646
00:27:21,458 --> 00:27:23,425
who thought
he could have a few laughs
647
00:27:23,458 --> 00:27:25,458
pulling a fast one
on a bunch of social outcasts.
648
00:27:25,491 --> 00:27:27,291
That's exactly
what they want you to think.
649
00:27:27,325 --> 00:27:29,491
Look,
when it comes to ufos,
650
00:27:29,525 --> 00:27:31,691
the government's agenda
never changes--
651
00:27:31,725 --> 00:27:34,225
Discredit, disavow...
652
00:27:35,525 --> 00:27:37,025
disinform.
653
00:27:37,058 --> 00:27:40,825
Now, what you see is real,
654
00:27:40,858 --> 00:27:42,891
but it's
a little more complicated.
655
00:27:42,925 --> 00:27:44,825
A spaceship
looks like a spaceship,
656
00:27:44,858 --> 00:27:46,991
hell, it may even be
a damned spaceship,
657
00:27:47,025 --> 00:27:50,658
but it's not really
a spaceship.
658
00:27:51,925 --> 00:27:53,858
You ever wonder how
much work it would take
659
00:27:53,891 --> 00:27:55,791
the people who come up
with these plans
660
00:27:55,825 --> 00:27:57,725
to actually
come up with them?
661
00:27:59,458 --> 00:28:01,158
That's why
the government
662
00:28:01,191 --> 00:28:03,625
has whole agencies
dedicated to this stuff--
663
00:28:03,658 --> 00:28:06,291
Fema, atf, cia,
the trifab commission.
664
00:28:06,325 --> 00:28:07,825
The what?
665
00:28:07,858 --> 00:28:09,791
You haven't heard about
the trifab commission?
666
00:28:09,825 --> 00:28:12,058
Probably better that way.
667
00:28:12,091 --> 00:28:14,258
Oh, yeah, much better that way.
668
00:28:14,291 --> 00:28:16,025
You're sounding like me--
Doubting everything.
669
00:28:16,058 --> 00:28:18,025
Maybe I'm just wising up.
670
00:28:22,458 --> 00:28:26,158
[ Mr. Buford ]:
it's all about John, okay?
671
00:28:26,191 --> 00:28:27,991
It's all about John.
672
00:28:28,025 --> 00:28:29,658
Who the hell is John?
673
00:28:29,691 --> 00:28:32,158
His life
is going down the drain.
674
00:28:33,525 --> 00:28:36,625
His life
is going down the drain.
675
00:28:36,658 --> 00:28:38,925
I'm venting, okay?
I'm venting.
676
00:28:41,825 --> 00:28:44,158
I'm venting...
677
00:29:29,291 --> 00:29:31,691
that smart son of a bitch...
678
00:29:35,525 --> 00:29:37,658
he kept it wrapped up
nice and tight
679
00:29:37,691 --> 00:29:40,191
to keep in
the light.
680
00:29:40,225 --> 00:29:42,191
So, I guess
it is real.
681
00:29:47,358 --> 00:29:49,958
Maybe.
682
00:29:49,991 --> 00:29:51,225
I still want
to believe in it,
683
00:29:51,258 --> 00:29:52,391
but I want to believe
684
00:29:52,425 --> 00:29:54,358
because I know
intrinsically what it is.
685
00:29:54,391 --> 00:29:56,991
Obviously,
it's no ordinary hunk of metal.
686
00:29:57,025 --> 00:29:58,958
Well, yeah.
687
00:29:58,991 --> 00:30:00,291
I mean, it floats.
688
00:30:00,325 --> 00:30:02,225
But do we know why it floats?
689
00:30:02,258 --> 00:30:03,791
No.
690
00:30:03,825 --> 00:30:05,791
Does the fact that it floats
691
00:30:05,825 --> 00:30:07,725
mean that it comes
from outer space,
692
00:30:07,758 --> 00:30:09,825
and that's
the only possible explanation?
693
00:30:09,858 --> 00:30:11,758
I'm not qualified to say
and neither are you.
694
00:30:11,791 --> 00:30:14,658
Still, the fact
that it does what it does...
695
00:30:14,691 --> 00:30:15,991
it's got to be
696
00:30:16,025 --> 00:30:17,625
from an alien
technology.
697
00:30:17,658 --> 00:30:20,258
Or maybe it's just
a really clever magic trick,
698
00:30:20,291 --> 00:30:22,458
and we haven't figured out
how they're doing it.
699
00:30:22,491 --> 00:30:25,158
If you want
to drive yourself crazy
700
00:30:25,191 --> 00:30:27,091
thinking up all these what-Ifs,
701
00:30:27,125 --> 00:30:28,825
go right ahead.
702
00:30:28,858 --> 00:30:30,658
Personally, I think it's time
703
00:30:30,691 --> 00:30:34,225
to look what truth I do know
squarely in the face.
704
00:30:34,258 --> 00:30:37,325
You want to know
why I believe in aliens?
705
00:30:39,191 --> 00:30:41,191
I believe in aliens
because I needed to.
706
00:30:45,125 --> 00:30:48,458
When I was in college,
I met this guy, Winton,
707
00:30:48,491 --> 00:30:49,858
and we had
a little daughter
708
00:30:49,891 --> 00:30:51,091
named Krishna.
709
00:30:51,125 --> 00:30:52,825
One day,
710
00:30:52,858 --> 00:30:55,725
we're all heading to this ashram
in oregon.
711
00:30:55,758 --> 00:30:56,725
It was Winton's idea.
712
00:30:56,758 --> 00:30:58,291
He was always very spiritual.
713
00:30:58,325 --> 00:31:01,158
We stopped
at this little cafe
714
00:31:01,191 --> 00:31:02,258
out in the middle
of nowhere
715
00:31:02,291 --> 00:31:03,558
so I could go
use the bathroom,
716
00:31:03,591 --> 00:31:07,858
and when I came out,
they were gone.
717
00:31:07,891 --> 00:31:10,658
They just drove off without you?
718
00:31:10,691 --> 00:31:12,825
They never showed up
at the ashram,
719
00:31:12,858 --> 00:31:15,191
and they never went back
to our little apartment,
720
00:31:15,225 --> 00:31:16,525
and when I called
Winton's family
721
00:31:16,558 --> 00:31:17,558
to find out what had happened,
722
00:31:17,591 --> 00:31:18,658
they said no.
723
00:31:18,691 --> 00:31:20,025
I mean, as far as they knew,
724
00:31:20,058 --> 00:31:22,091
Winton and Krishna
had just vanished.
725
00:31:22,125 --> 00:31:24,591
Maybe
they weren't telling the truth.
726
00:31:24,625 --> 00:31:27,925
Well, I'm sure they weren't.
727
00:31:27,958 --> 00:31:29,791
I guess
I got really carried away,
728
00:31:29,825 --> 00:31:33,625
because the next thing I know,
I'm locked up in this hospital,
729
00:31:33,658 --> 00:31:35,458
and I'm looking out the window,
day after day,
730
00:31:35,491 --> 00:31:38,925
thinking to myself,
"Where'd they go?
731
00:31:38,958 --> 00:31:40,758
Where'd they go?"
732
00:31:40,791 --> 00:31:44,658
and then, one day,
another patient wanders by,
733
00:31:44,691 --> 00:31:46,658
and says, "maybe
the aliens took them,"
734
00:31:46,691 --> 00:31:51,058
and I thought to myself,
"Well, why the hell not?"
735
00:31:51,091 --> 00:31:54,158
I mean, I could live with that.
736
00:31:54,191 --> 00:31:55,658
Funny thing is
737
00:31:55,691 --> 00:31:57,525
that's when I started
to feel better.
738
00:31:57,558 --> 00:32:01,125
Sounds like his family
talked him into leaving you,
739
00:32:01,158 --> 00:32:05,091
and taking
the baby with him.
740
00:32:05,125 --> 00:32:07,691
I guess
I need to look in to that, huh?
741
00:32:12,525 --> 00:32:15,525
So, what do we do
about This?
742
00:32:17,858 --> 00:32:19,625
We tell the truth.
743
00:32:19,658 --> 00:32:21,891
What is with
all the mystery, Ike?
744
00:32:21,925 --> 00:32:23,258
We really need
745
00:32:23,291 --> 00:32:24,958
to get down
to the convention floor.
746
00:32:24,991 --> 00:32:26,591
I've got a Booth
to finish setting up.
747
00:32:26,625 --> 00:32:27,591
Look, everyone,
748
00:32:27,625 --> 00:32:28,925
I know This
is inconvenient,
749
00:32:28,958 --> 00:32:30,891
but I promise
it's important.
750
00:32:30,925 --> 00:32:32,658
Oh, boo,
come on in.
751
00:32:32,691 --> 00:32:33,658
Okay, you all remember
752
00:32:33,691 --> 00:32:35,058
how we searched
753
00:32:35,091 --> 00:32:36,591
Mr. Buford's hotel room
yesterday?
754
00:32:36,625 --> 00:32:39,491
Well, we missed something.
755
00:32:39,525 --> 00:32:41,691
You found the fragment?
756
00:32:41,725 --> 00:32:42,758
Well done, boo.
757
00:32:42,791 --> 00:32:43,925
I knew it would turn up.
758
00:32:43,958 --> 00:32:46,891
I thought we all agreed
it was fake.
759
00:32:46,925 --> 00:32:49,291
Funny, I don't remember
anyone agreeing to anything.
760
00:32:56,191 --> 00:32:58,758
Why don't you, uh,
check the ceiling tiles?
761
00:32:58,791 --> 00:33:01,125
Go ahead and rip up
the carpet, if you like.
762
00:33:02,625 --> 00:33:04,791
My god!
763
00:33:04,825 --> 00:33:06,291
I told you it wasn't fake.
764
00:33:06,325 --> 00:33:07,691
No, I told you.
765
00:33:07,725 --> 00:33:08,791
What are we
sitting here for?
766
00:33:08,825 --> 00:33:10,558
Let's take it downstairs.
767
00:33:10,591 --> 00:33:11,591
No, no, no, no.
768
00:33:11,625 --> 00:33:12,458
Everybody, hang on
just a second.
769
00:33:12,491 --> 00:33:15,125
Wait a minute, okay?
770
00:33:15,158 --> 00:33:18,691
Now, we have to be very careful
about this.
771
00:33:20,458 --> 00:33:22,691
Ike says he wants us
to be taken more seriously,
772
00:33:22,725 --> 00:33:24,158
and that's what has to happen.
773
00:33:24,191 --> 00:33:26,658
You don't think
they'll take this seriously?
774
00:33:26,691 --> 00:33:29,058
Are any of you a metallurgist?
775
00:33:29,091 --> 00:33:30,558
Maybe a physicist?
776
00:33:30,591 --> 00:33:31,891
How about
777
00:33:31,925 --> 00:33:33,458
your plain old
scientist?
778
00:33:33,491 --> 00:33:35,158
I didn't think so.
779
00:33:35,191 --> 00:33:36,691
Which means,
780
00:33:36,725 --> 00:33:38,191
that as interesting
as this thing is,
781
00:33:38,225 --> 00:33:40,458
we don't know
what it is,
782
00:33:40,491 --> 00:33:42,058
therefore,
783
00:33:42,091 --> 00:33:45,191
we are going to present this
to the world as a mystery,
784
00:33:45,225 --> 00:33:47,758
and we are going
to invite the world--
785
00:33:47,791 --> 00:33:49,091
The government
included--
786
00:33:49,125 --> 00:33:51,458
To help us
solve that mystery.
787
00:33:51,491 --> 00:33:52,858
The government?
788
00:33:52,891 --> 00:33:54,458
Don't you see?
789
00:33:54,491 --> 00:33:57,325
This is a part
of our problem.
790
00:33:57,358 --> 00:33:58,625
We don't trust
anybody,
791
00:33:58,658 --> 00:33:59,991
not even ourselves,
792
00:34:00,025 --> 00:34:02,858
which is why I'm hoping
that by reaching out,
793
00:34:02,891 --> 00:34:05,558
in the spirit
of cooperation,
794
00:34:05,591 --> 00:34:06,991
that we can end
795
00:34:07,025 --> 00:34:09,191
the mistrust and the paranoia.
796
00:34:11,325 --> 00:34:12,525
Ike...
797
00:34:12,558 --> 00:34:14,491
you...
798
00:34:14,525 --> 00:34:15,491
you want me to do it?
799
00:34:15,525 --> 00:34:17,558
You're our Leader.
800
00:34:17,591 --> 00:34:18,858
I think the world
should hear about this
801
00:34:18,891 --> 00:34:20,558
from one voice--
802
00:34:20,591 --> 00:34:21,491
Yours.
803
00:34:24,191 --> 00:34:25,591
Thank you, boo.
804
00:34:25,625 --> 00:34:27,558
I appreciate this.
805
00:34:29,624 --> 00:34:32,058
Is there anyone here
who disagrees with This?
806
00:34:40,724 --> 00:34:41,724
Good.
807
00:34:41,758 --> 00:34:43,724
Let's go tell the world.
808
00:34:52,724 --> 00:34:54,091
Where the hell
is Everyone?
809
00:34:54,124 --> 00:34:55,324
Didn't you just
pass them in the hall?
810
00:34:55,358 --> 00:34:56,591
They're heading down
to the convention floor.
811
00:34:56,624 --> 00:34:57,824
No!
812
00:34:57,858 --> 00:34:58,858
Who's got
the suitcase?
813
00:34:58,891 --> 00:34:59,724
Ike does.
814
00:34:59,758 --> 00:35:00,824
We've got
to stop him.
815
00:35:00,858 --> 00:35:02,391
Dale, don't
get me started.
816
00:35:02,424 --> 00:35:04,191
I just saw Gunther Van Owen
in the parking lot.
817
00:35:04,224 --> 00:35:05,724
I don't think he's here
for the refreshments.
818
00:35:05,758 --> 00:35:07,191
What are you talking about?
819
00:35:07,224 --> 00:35:09,624
Remember when I said
I was looking into some people?
820
00:35:09,658 --> 00:35:11,958
Well, say hello
to Ike pilchard--
821
00:35:11,991 --> 00:35:13,891
Gunther Van Owen's best Buddy
822
00:35:13,924 --> 00:35:14,658
and card-Carrying
member
823
00:35:14,691 --> 00:35:15,491
of the Fifth Column
824
00:35:15,524 --> 00:35:17,724
and the f-B-Freakin'-I.
825
00:35:20,858 --> 00:35:23,824
You've got to listen to me
before you go down there.
826
00:35:23,858 --> 00:35:25,858
Do you recognize the guy
in the potato-Sack race?
827
00:35:25,891 --> 00:35:28,291
Ike at a fifth-Column picnic
10 years ago.
828
00:35:28,324 --> 00:35:30,691
I got this
off the fifth-Column web site.
829
00:35:30,724 --> 00:35:32,524
Here's another shocker--
830
00:35:32,558 --> 00:35:35,524
Gunther Van Owen.
831
00:35:35,558 --> 00:35:36,858
He's a shriner.
832
00:35:36,891 --> 00:35:37,858
So?
833
00:35:40,358 --> 00:35:40,891
It's basic--
834
00:35:40,924 --> 00:35:42,824
Basic!
835
00:35:42,858 --> 00:35:44,391
Shriners are masons.
836
00:35:44,424 --> 00:35:47,158
Masons have ties
to the U.S. Government,
837
00:35:47,191 --> 00:35:48,858
which have gone
all the way back
838
00:35:48,891 --> 00:35:51,258
to the beginnings
of the republic.
839
00:35:51,291 --> 00:35:53,391
To reach the highest
level of masondom--
840
00:35:53,424 --> 00:35:55,458
The 33rd level--
841
00:35:55,491 --> 00:35:58,324
Masons from all over the world
842
00:35:58,358 --> 00:36:01,391
have to travel
to Washington, D.C.
843
00:36:02,591 --> 00:36:05,191
The connections are obvious.
844
00:36:05,224 --> 00:36:07,591
The Fifth Column and the FBI
are one and the same!
845
00:36:07,624 --> 00:36:09,958
Dale,
that is the flimsiest story--
846
00:36:09,991 --> 00:36:11,191
All right, all right.
847
00:36:11,224 --> 00:36:12,691
What about this one, then?
848
00:36:12,724 --> 00:36:14,891
This is from
the telephone directory
849
00:36:14,924 --> 00:36:17,224
of the j. Edgar Hoover building
in Washington, D.C.
850
00:36:17,258 --> 00:36:19,191
What's Gunther's name
doing on there
851
00:36:19,224 --> 00:36:20,691
if he isn't a fed?
852
00:36:20,724 --> 00:36:22,291
Oh, my god.
853
00:36:22,324 --> 00:36:24,458
Gunther Van Owen,
right there on the page.
854
00:36:24,491 --> 00:36:25,624
Disavow, discredit...
855
00:36:25,658 --> 00:36:26,791
disinform.Exactly.
856
00:36:26,824 --> 00:36:28,791
Doesn't that sound like Gunther
to you?
857
00:36:28,824 --> 00:36:31,891
It sounds like the
whole damned government.
858
00:36:31,924 --> 00:36:33,824
So Ike and Gunther...
859
00:36:33,858 --> 00:36:35,224
are plants.
860
00:36:35,258 --> 00:36:36,924
It's hide in Plain sight
times two.
861
00:36:36,958 --> 00:36:39,458
And I have just put the fragment
into their hands.
862
00:36:39,491 --> 00:36:41,624
How much do you want to bet
863
00:36:41,658 --> 00:36:44,358
that those bastards have already
switched that fragment
864
00:36:44,391 --> 00:36:46,058
for some cheap plastic doo-Dad,
865
00:36:46,091 --> 00:36:47,291
so that when Ike
gets up there
866
00:36:47,324 --> 00:36:48,958
and reveals it
to the world--
867
00:36:48,991 --> 00:36:50,424
Everyone's going
to think we're lying.
868
00:36:50,458 --> 00:36:51,758
They'll think
we're all crazy.
869
00:36:51,791 --> 00:36:53,724
We've got to
stop him.
870
00:37:23,458 --> 00:37:25,324
Okay, everyone, sit down...
871
00:37:25,358 --> 00:37:28,191
I surrender!
872
00:37:41,658 --> 00:37:43,258
Good morning, everyone.
873
00:37:43,291 --> 00:37:44,858
I'd like to welcome you all
874
00:37:44,891 --> 00:37:47,624
to the 10th annual
north American ufo convention.
875
00:37:54,791 --> 00:37:56,758
I think you'll find
this year's gathering
876
00:37:56,791 --> 00:37:58,924
is, well, to put it mildly,
kind of special,
877
00:37:58,958 --> 00:38:00,491
and I'm happy to see
878
00:38:00,524 --> 00:38:03,791
our friends in the media
have shown up, too.
879
00:38:03,824 --> 00:38:06,624
I promise you,
you will not be disappointed.
880
00:38:06,658 --> 00:38:08,624
Our story begins
881
00:38:08,658 --> 00:38:11,558
at Mr. Monty's
house of fondue...
882
00:38:11,591 --> 00:38:12,658
the whole
Fifth Column's here.
883
00:38:12,691 --> 00:38:14,058
I can feel it,
884
00:38:14,091 --> 00:38:16,424
and the cia, the fbi,
the trifab commission.
885
00:38:18,424 --> 00:38:21,158
There. There.
Do you see him?
886
00:38:21,191 --> 00:38:22,991
Is that a person?
887
00:38:23,024 --> 00:38:24,624
It's Gunther.
888
00:38:24,658 --> 00:38:26,991
What's he doing
up there?
889
00:38:27,024 --> 00:38:28,858
If I know anything
about how the feds operate,
890
00:38:28,891 --> 00:38:30,358
he's their
insurance policy.
891
00:38:30,391 --> 00:38:31,724
Come on. Hurry.
892
00:38:31,758 --> 00:38:33,691
So, to be honest,
we're not exactly sure
893
00:38:33,724 --> 00:38:35,358
how poor Mr. Buford
894
00:38:35,391 --> 00:38:37,091
Came to his untimely demise
last night.
895
00:38:37,124 --> 00:38:39,558
All we do know
is that he showed up,
896
00:38:39,591 --> 00:38:42,858
gave us the spaceship fragment
that's in this suitcase,
897
00:38:42,891 --> 00:38:45,358
then ran.
898
00:38:45,391 --> 00:38:49,324
Now, those of us
who attend these conferences,
899
00:38:49,358 --> 00:38:50,924
we hear a lot of stories,
900
00:38:50,958 --> 00:38:54,258
and some of them
are pretty fantastical,
901
00:38:54,291 --> 00:38:56,058
which is all
a convoluted way of saying
902
00:38:56,091 --> 00:38:58,624
that what I'm about to show you
is...
903
00:38:58,658 --> 00:39:00,258
well...
904
00:39:00,291 --> 00:39:02,758
I guess I'll let it
speak for itself.
905
00:39:02,791 --> 00:39:04,691
No, sir, Ike.
Not today, you don't.
906
00:39:04,724 --> 00:39:05,958
What are you doing?
907
00:39:05,991 --> 00:39:07,124
We know about
you and Gunther.
908
00:39:08,424 --> 00:39:10,791
You fifth-Column
lover.
909
00:39:10,824 --> 00:39:12,991
Boo, what are you talking about?
910
00:39:13,858 --> 00:39:16,024
Ladies and gentlemen,
I must apologize.
911
00:39:16,058 --> 00:39:18,191
Those us at naufoc
are well aware
912
00:39:18,224 --> 00:39:19,758
that Mr. Larose
913
00:39:19,791 --> 00:39:20,958
is somewhat prone
to hyperbole.
914
00:39:20,991 --> 00:39:23,958
Don't listen to him, folks.
915
00:39:23,991 --> 00:39:25,658
Ike's the definition
of a liar.
916
00:39:25,691 --> 00:39:27,658
He doesn't want you
to know he's an agent--
917
00:39:27,691 --> 00:39:29,191
of the federal government--
918
00:39:29,224 --> 00:39:32,324
Who has been trying to attain
this metal fragment
919
00:39:32,358 --> 00:39:33,991
since we got it last night.
920
00:39:34,024 --> 00:39:36,124
Ladies and gentlemen,
I implore you...
921
00:39:39,191 --> 00:39:42,491
he wanted us to open this
and show you what was inside.
922
00:39:42,524 --> 00:39:44,491
He knew that you would think
that We are liars,
923
00:39:44,524 --> 00:39:46,091
and we're crazy,
924
00:39:46,124 --> 00:39:48,091
because
there's nothing in here.
925
00:39:48,124 --> 00:39:50,658
Aliens are real.
926
00:39:50,691 --> 00:39:51,858
They're here.
927
00:39:51,891 --> 00:39:53,258
They're among us,
928
00:39:53,291 --> 00:39:54,691
and they're working
with our government.
929
00:39:54,724 --> 00:39:56,658
Our government is lying to us,
930
00:39:56,691 --> 00:39:58,124
and the proof...
931
00:40:00,558 --> 00:40:03,024
Dale! Dale!
932
00:40:09,924 --> 00:40:11,558
Believe.
933
00:40:20,058 --> 00:40:21,924
It looks like
four shots have been fired
934
00:40:21,958 --> 00:40:24,191
here at the north American
ufo convention,
935
00:40:24,224 --> 00:40:26,124
more and more shots
now ringing out.
936
00:40:26,158 --> 00:40:28,691
It's just pandemonium here.
937
00:40:28,724 --> 00:40:30,891
Dale was
telling the truth.
938
00:40:30,924 --> 00:40:32,124
That's why the
government killed him.
939
00:40:32,158 --> 00:40:33,491
You've got to
listen to me.
940
00:40:33,524 --> 00:40:35,991
Disavow, discredit,
disinform--
941
00:40:36,024 --> 00:40:37,924
That's what they're
trying to do to us.
942
00:40:37,958 --> 00:40:39,824
We're just getting word now
943
00:40:39,858 --> 00:40:42,691
that the police
have surrounded the shooter.
944
00:40:42,724 --> 00:40:45,958
Don't move, asshole.
Don't move a muscle!
945
00:40:51,858 --> 00:40:53,258
Our source is telling us now
946
00:40:53,291 --> 00:40:55,258
that the police have
a tentative I.D. On the shooter.
947
00:40:55,291 --> 00:40:58,558
Apparently, he belongs
to a splinter group
948
00:40:58,591 --> 00:41:00,624
which is at odds
with the convention leadership
949
00:41:00,658 --> 00:41:02,824
over some kind of alien finger.
950
00:41:02,858 --> 00:41:04,524
His name is Gunther Van Owen--
951
00:41:04,558 --> 00:41:06,124
That is not the truth!
952
00:41:06,158 --> 00:41:07,558
Gunther Van Owen
works for the government.
953
00:41:07,591 --> 00:41:09,024
Gunther Van Owen
is the government.
954
00:41:09,058 --> 00:41:12,024
Ladies and gentlemen,
it's a very, very sad day here.
955
00:41:12,058 --> 00:41:14,058
The question isn't really,
do aliens Exist?
956
00:41:14,091 --> 00:41:16,191
We'll probably never know
the answer to that.
957
00:41:16,224 --> 00:41:17,691
The real issue here
958
00:41:17,724 --> 00:41:20,124
is what would make
one of these people so angry,
959
00:41:20,158 --> 00:41:22,658
what would cause them
to become so unhinged
960
00:41:22,691 --> 00:41:25,891
that they would perpetrate
an act of violence like this?
961
00:41:29,891 --> 00:41:31,758
A toaster?
962
00:41:34,024 --> 00:41:36,458
Dale was right.
963
00:41:55,058 --> 00:41:56,658
I think we did it.
964
00:41:56,691 --> 00:41:58,158
How is he?
965
00:41:59,791 --> 00:42:03,258
He is fine...
966
00:42:03,291 --> 00:42:06,091
but he'd be a whole lot better
if that so-Called marksman
967
00:42:06,124 --> 00:42:09,991
hit the Vest
where he was supposed to.
968
00:42:10,024 --> 00:42:14,191
When we get back to the office,
I would like a word with him.
969
00:42:14,224 --> 00:42:16,824
And the package?
Can I see it?
970
00:42:18,224 --> 00:42:19,724
Right here.
971
00:42:22,724 --> 00:42:24,191
Good job.
972
00:42:24,224 --> 00:42:25,824
Think the folks back there
973
00:42:25,858 --> 00:42:27,691
will buy the goods
we just sold them?
974
00:42:27,724 --> 00:42:30,691
If you mean will anyone know
the trifab commission did this,
975
00:42:30,724 --> 00:42:32,524
I doubt it.
976
00:42:32,558 --> 00:42:36,058
Those poor, crazy bastards
back there--
977
00:42:36,091 --> 00:42:39,224
No one'll ever believe
a word they say ever again.
978
00:42:43,524 --> 00:42:45,691
Even when they're right.
979
00:42:47,391 --> 00:42:52,591
I believe, I believe,
I believe, I believe...
980
00:42:52,624 --> 00:42:56,524
I believe, I believe,
I believe, I believe...
981
00:42:56,558 --> 00:43:01,124
sometimes, the best way
to hide the truth
982
00:43:01,158 --> 00:43:05,824
is to keep it in plain sight.